Guest Post By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
“Your body is away from me, but there is a window open from my heart to yours.”
Remember the last time you felt a powerful longing for that special someone?
Whether you’ve only known him for a while, or you’re in a long-term relationship with him…
…if he matters to you, being away from him is painful.
But how do you make him feel the SAME?
Suzanne, a preschool teacher from Sacramento, met Patrick through a mutual friend.
They went out a few times over the last few months, and they seem to be getting along fine. However, something told Suzanne that he’s not that into it as she is.
She shared, “I was always the one who texted him first. It would take him a couple of hours to reply, and it’d be like that the whole day.”
“Every time I’d try and reach out - like sending him a funny picture or video – I wouldn’t get much of a reaction out of him,” Suzanne added.
It was a bit frustrating for her because she really thought Patrick was a great guy but didn’t feel like he missed Suzanne enough.
And it was mostly Suzanne who made the effort to plan things so they could go out again.
It got to a point where she started to think he was slipping away.
That was when she decided to do something about it.
“If I was going to lose him, I might as well try a few things to see if it would get him back,” Suzanne said.
After she made a few changes, it did make a difference.
Patrick started replying right away, and he was the one who texted first thing in the morning.
If he wasn’t sending Suzanne sweet messages throughout the day, he was making plans to see her.
And when they got together again, he finally told Suzanne what she wanted to hear:
“Hey, I really missed you.”
Are you doing enough?
The tricky part is when they start spending time away from each other. There’s the risk of him drifting off and losing interest.
And the problem is that these women go about it the wrong way. They think that have to pull some attention-grabbing stunt like going on social media and playing the jealousy game.
Chances are he’s not going to fall for the “Look at me with these other guys on Facebook” trick.
It’s going to backfire and it won’t make him think about you more.
A better way is to give him hints and reminders that you’re someone worth thinking about 24/7.
With a little finesse, you can make him long for you like no other woman has.
Here are 7 Great Ways To Make A Man Miss You:
#1: A little info goes a long way
Oversharing is one of the biggest turn-offs for a guy. I can’t tell you how many times women have shot themselves in the foot with this one mistake!
This applies more to someone you’re just getting to know. And if you think he might be the The One, you’ll be tempted to open up to him.
I’ve noticed that women do this to strengthen their bond with a guy as quickly as possible.
It’s a big mistake though, because trying to rush things with a guy emotionally is not a good recipe for romance.
And trying to fast-track that connection with him is likely to freak him out.
Kevin, a lawyer from Florida, once told me, “Everything was going great with this girl Tiffany whom I asked out to dinner. But then she started talking about her exes. I nearly choked on my steak when she told me about…the things she used to do with them. I don’t know what her deal was, and the only reason I didn’t sneak out the bathroom window was because they didn’t have one!”
You’re probably not as explicit as Tiffany when it comes to personal details (I hope!), but you get the idea.
Avoid talking about the touchy, personal areas of your life for now. If ever you wander into that territory, don’t give detailed answers and change the subject.
There’s no need to fudge the facts, but you don’t need to beat him over the head with it, either.
There’s plenty of time for that stuff later on. For now, give him some room to wonder about what makes you tick!
#2: Dress to kill
Of course, you want him to love you for who you are, and not just for what you look like.
If he only liked your body and nothing else, what kind of a relationship would that be?
But having said that, the way you present yourself STILL matters.
I don’t care if you’ve known the guy for 3 weeks or 3 decades. If you stop caring about your looks and all that other basic stuff, it sends the wrong message.
I’ll share a little secret with you - 99% of the men I know don’t want a supermodel for a partner.
They just need to know that she’s not going to trade her flattering outfits for a ratty shirt and sweatpants…
…stop going to the gym…
…or think hygiene is overrated.
I mean, even if someone like Brad Pitt dressed like a slob, you probably wouldn’t like him either, right?
(Ok, maybe that wasn’t the best example… but you know where I’m going with this.)
So, stay on top of your game. Choose the right wardrobe and makeup (as much or as little of it as you need) to underscore your femininity.
Let your clean, fresh appearance do the talking. Care about what you eat and burn those calories.
You don’t need to be perfect (because NO one is), and it’s not a prerequisite for making him miss you.
The point is to look good and more importantly, FEEL GOOD about yourself.
He’ll feel that confidence radiating from your whole body. And THAT’S what will keep him coming back for more.
#3: Hold your horses
As much as you want him to want you, you should always keep the long game in mind.
As we talked about earlier, a little intrigue is healthy in a relationship.
It makes him want to pursue you and put in the work to win you over.
Men absolutely love a woman who’s up for a challenge. There’s a lot at stake when it comes to dating, but you still need to make it a FUN game for him.
Don’t give him what he wants all the time, and don’t smother him with sweetness.
Maybe on some days you’re extra affectionate (whether it’s face-to-face or through texts/emails/etc.)…
…then other times, you’re very friendly BUT platonic towards him.
Just when he thinks, “I’ve got this in the bag”, you come out of nowhere and play mental judo with him.
Oh, how guys love/hate this one!
Bear in mind however, he needs to know he’s still in the game and that this will eventually lead somewhere.
Keep it light, playful and good-natured so that he sticks around and thinks about you.
#4: Get a life
An awesome one, that is.
I don’t know about other guys, but I’m not sure how to feel about a woman who’s obviously not doing much aside from waiting for me to call her.
Men actually don’t like it when you’re TOO available for them.
It’s kind of like playing chess with someone…
How would you feel if the other person suddenly yelled out, “Checkmate, you got me!” even before you made the first move?
It wouldn’t be any fun, right?
Again, it’s all about CHALLENGE.
And living a happening, interesting life is one way to make your guy feel the bittersweet pain of your absence.
Don’t go on the ol’ social media machine and post pictures of you at a party…
…while you’re spending your free time watching “Sex and the City” reruns in bed with a bag of chips.
(Do women actually do that? If not, just insert your sedentary activity of choice.)
Live your life from a genuine place and invest your time in doing things that help you GROW.
And sometimes, that means you’ll have to hold off on seeing him (which is way different from dropping off the face of the earth) because you’ve already made plans before he asked you.
Women who are totally engaged with their lives effortlessly project a grounded, mature (read: NOT boring), yet fascinating personality.
When he sees how much fun you’re having from doing the things you’re passionate about…
…he’ll want to gatecrash the party and get in on the action!
He’ll be like, “She looks cool. I can totally see myself hanging out with her. Bet she’s amazing in bed, too.”
(Whoops, did I just say that? But it’s true...)
#5: Positivity breeds positivity
Fun has been a recurring theme in this article, and for good reason.
Men don’t want to be around someone who brings down their energy. We’re driven, competitive, and we like people who lift us up.
And it’s the same with a romantic partner: no one likes a party pooper.
Look, I know you can’t be Pollyanna and spout platitudes of sunshine and happiness all the time. We all have our bad days.
Nevertheless, it’s important to him that you have a generally positive attitude - and not walk around with a dark cloud hanging over your head.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- “Do I find myself complaining a lot? Do I rant on social media every time something bad happens - or comment on every piece of bad news out there?”
- “When I’m with my guy, do I talk crap about my co-workers, relatives and friends?”
- “Do I try to see the best in people and situations? Or do I tend to assume the opposite?”
I’m not saying that you’re a miserable person, but it does help to do a little self-reflection and awareness – especially when you’re around your guy.
#6: Practice radio silence every now and then
Nope, I don’t mean cutting off all contact and see how he reacts.
Playing hard to get to an extent is fine, but it isn’t about manipulating his emotions or making him feel bad.
So, all I’m asking is that you don’t broadcast every single thing you’re doing.
He doesn’t need to know what you’re having for lunch, or how Linda from Marketing hogged the floor during the office meeting.
Social networking sites are a bit to blame because it adds to the “Gimme my 15 minutes” culture.
And technology in general is making it way TOO easy for us to bombard other people with the mundane aspects of our lives.
This special guy of yours isn’t your best friend or mother. He’s perfectly fine wondering a little what you’re up to.
In fact, it’s the perfect way to avoid making him feel crowded. Give him the headspace to think about you, rather than trying too hard to insert yourself in his thoughts.
#7: Finish STRONG
Ever heard the expression “stick the landing”?
It’s when an athlete finishes a move in style (like in gymnastics) and strikes a cool pose – often to thunderous applause.
In dating, you can do the same and leave a strong impression in a guy’s mind. That way, he’ll be counting the minutes until he sees you again.
Here are a few ways to do this:
- Don’t let the date go and on. Eventually, the energy level will go down and that’s not the best time to say your goodbyes. Have a set time and let him know you have to be up early for work tomorrow.
- So, that means you’ll need to make him feel great while he’s with you. Don’t make the conversation all about you, give him a chance to share his stories, and tell your own (positive and funny ones work best).
- Touch his arm, punch him playfully on the shoulder or mess up his hair (if the situation allows it). Physical cues of attraction are key.
After your date, he’ll keep replaying that wonderful experience in his head over and over again.
Remember when Netflix wasn’t a thing yet and you had to wait a whole week to see the next episode?
I kinda miss that, and I actually liked cliffhangers because it gave me something to look forward to.
Plus, it was nice to be able to digest what I just watched. Nowadays, we’re overindulging ourselves by binge-watching the whole thing till our eyes glaze over.
In the same way, you’ve got to pace yourself so he doesn’t get sick of you. That’s the whole point of the game.
But if you’ve been doing most of what we’ve just talked about and he’s STILL pulling away…
…there might be something more serious going on here.
A lot of women struggle with this problem, and they’re often clueless why they can’t stop their man from slipping through their fingers.
However, you don’t have to feel powerless about this situation.
There’s still hope and you can start by learning about Why Men Pull Away in this shocking video: